Jagoff of the Week: Ronnie “Woo-Woo” Wickers

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by Bill SavageIllustration by Dmitry Samarov

This originally ran in our special Lumpen Field Guide to Chicago Jagoffs

Ronnie Woo epitomizes the relentless self-promotion that characterizes a certain breed of Chicago jagoff: it’s all about him. A self-styled Chicago Cubs mascot, Wickers got his nickname by showing up in the bleachers and chanting “WOO!” after the names of various Cubs players. Dressed in full Cubs home uniform, he evolved from a minor annoyance (his piercing cry could be heard from every seat in the park) to a perpetual motion annoyance machine, from the Cubs Convention to Spring Training to Opening Day to the bitter end of the season, and then to Bears and Bulls and Blackhawks games. Casual fans, especially drunk young women and the jagoff bro’s who love them, eat up his shtick, and eagerly pose for pictures. Woo gloms tickets from morons who should know better, and then works his celebrity magic for beer in the bleachers and beyond.

What truly elevates him to pure jagoff status is when he takes his act beyond Wrigley, where at least he has a self-selected crowd of baseball masochists to pester.

In November of 2014, he went to the funeral of Mayor Jane Byrne at St. Vincent’s Church. Went through the receiving line. In full uniform. Twice.

 

In January 2015, he attached himself to the civic mourning over the death of Ernie Banks, posing with tourists and fans who should know better in front of the Banks statue when it was relocated to Daley Plaza.

 

Ronnie “Woo-Woo” Wickers is to Ernie Banks what an overweight 16-inch softball beer-league bench-rider is to an MLB Hall of Famer. But if there were a Jagoff Hall of Fame, Wickers would be a first-ballot unanimous selection.

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